


Double Whammy

by horselizard



Category: British Comedy RPF, Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster (Podcast)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Choking, Co-Topping, Cock & Ball Torture, Cock Rings, Dom/sub, Dubious Consent, Face Slapping, Forced, Gags, Hair-pulling, Humiliation, Humor, Inappropriate Erections, Kneeling, Magic, Multi, Nipple Clamps, Obedience, Ownership, Spanking, that's it that's the entire fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 04:50:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18958237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horselizard/pseuds/horselizard
Summary: Ed and Victoria get competitive. Genie James gets caught in the crossfire.





	Double Whammy

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [may as well have had 'kick me' fastened on your sleeve](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18395249) by [likecharity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/likecharity/pseuds/likecharity). 



> Accidentally filled my own Britcom Anon Meme prompt ('Acaster being co-topped') again, didn't I? XD With thanks to whichever anon mentioned genie!fic as a way to do it...
> 
> (So this is ESSENTIALLY non-con because genie!James by definition can't freely give consent and he DOES but he clearly doesn't WANT to but it feels awful putting the 'Rape/Non-Con' tag on an RPF work and MAGIC IS COMPLICATED OKAY o.O)

With a noise like a bad sound effect, James materialised out of the lamp.

'Oh, so you really _do_ have a genie?' Victoria remarked, impressed.

'Your wish is my command, master,' James addressed Ed helpfully, and Ed gestured at him as if to say 'I told you so'.

'Hmm,' said Victoria. 'And he'll really do anything you say?'

'That's right,' Ed replied smugly. 'I believe the phrase is "willing slave".'

Victoria narrowed her eyes at Ed, and then at James. 'What, really _anything?_ '

'That's right, ma'am,' James piped up. 'I am compelled to obey.'

'Yep,' confirmed Ed. ''S magic.'

'How d'you know it's _magic_?' Victoria asked. 'How d'you know he's not just really eager to please? He looks the type.'

'Oh – well – it _is_ magic,' James began, but Victoria ignored him.

'I bet I could find something he'd refuse to do,' she murmured. 'Everyone's got their limits.'

' _I_ haven't,' James pointed out, but Ed ignored him.

'Nah, no way,' he countered. 'Because if there _was_ something, I'd find it first.'

'You really wouldn't,' James offered, but he didn't hold out much hope of being listened to this time.

A smirk spread across Victoria's face. 'Bet your lamp?'

Ed folded his arms. 'Yeah,' he sneered. 'Yeah, sure.'

'Wait, what?'

'Genie,' Ed called out, 'I command you to obey Victoria as though she were your master, until I tell you to stop. Anything either of us tells you to do, you do it. Unless she contradicts me,' he said, raising an eyebrow at her. 'Then I get the final say.'

'Yes, master,' James replied reluctantly.

'I'll let you go first,' Ed told Victoria.

'You're too kind,' she smiled. 'All right then. Genie, get on your knees.'

'Yes, mistress,' James replied, dropping immediately to his knees.

'Well, that's hardly pushing the envelope,' Ed grumbled.

'No, but it's fun,' Victoria replied, grinning down at the apprehensive genie.

'Fine,' Ed shot back. 'My turn. Genie, take off your clothes.'

'Yes, master,' James faltered, and his clothes melted away.

'Hmph,' Victoria muttered, but her annoyance was tinged with delight. She looked the genie up and down as he knelt there, a flush rapidly spreading across his cheeks, hands balled into tight fists by his sides. 'That was just an excuse to show off the magic, wasn't it? You've obviously made him do _that_ before.'

'I sure have,' Ed grinned, and Victoria looked jealous.

'Well, let's broaden his range a bit, shall we?' she scowled. 'Genie, pull your hair.'

James' hand flew to his head before he could reply. Instead, he just let out a hoarse, involuntary cry as his long fingers tangled in his thick hair and pulled, yanking his head back.

'And what makes you think I haven't made him do that?' Ed commented smugly.

'All right,' Victoria said irritably, watching the genie whine and grimace, 'what _haven't_ you made him do?'

'Do you know what,' Ed said thoughtfully, 'I haven't tried making him choke himself.'

' _What?!_ '

'Oh, I can see what made you think of that,' Victoria replied appreciatively. 'Look at that lovely long pale throat. Such a temptation.'

'No, master, please!' James gasped out in a panic.

'He'll do it, though,' Ed said. 'Won't you, genie? Go on, do it.'

'Yes, master,' James whimpered, feeling his other hand rise to clamp around his neck. He didn't need oxygen, since he was a magical being, but he was in his human form currently, out of politeness, and breathing was a difficult habit to break. He felt what passed for blood pulsing harder under his fingers as he grew light-headed, helpless little splutters escaping his lips.

'Ooh, he's so annoyingly obedient, isn't he?' Victoria hissed. 'Well, he can try this on for size. Genie, slap yourself.'

James only had two hands, and nobody had commanded him to grow any additional ones, and Ed's commands took precedence, so it was the hand that was in his hair that uncurled and brought itself up flat, while the other remained tight around his throat. One brief second of relief was all he got before the sharp sting in his scalp was replaced by a sharp sting in his cheek, and another in his palm. He let out a choked yelp as his head snapped to the side, but he was already lining up for a backhand. Victoria hadn't specified how many times he should slap himself, or when he should stop, and the magic compelled him to err on the side of caution.

'Oh!' Victoria exclaimed in amusement, as the genie continued to slap his own face with gusto, cringing and wailing with every smack. 'That's fun, isn't it?'

'Yeah, he doesn't do things by halves,' Ed smirked, arms folded, in no hurry to think of a new command.

'Er… is that meant to happen?' Victoria asked, pointing at the genie's dick, which was beginning to stiffen. 'Or are you going to tell me that's magic too?'

'Well, in a manner of speaking,' Ed winked, and Victoria scowled with renewed jealousy. 'But no, I don't think this is anything to do with the magic. I think this is all him, the naughty boy.'

James' face was already red and stinging from the slapping, but now it started burning too, because Ed was right, and he was mortified.

'This is getting ridiculous, I can't hear myself think. Genie, stop hitting yourself,' Ed commanded. 'And you can stop choking yourself too. I'm not sure I want you enjoying yourself this much.' He turned to Victoria sharply. 'And no, that wasn't my go.'

'Would have been funny if he'd refused, though,' Victoria grinned, as the genie's hands dropped limply to his sides, leaving him dishevelled and panting.

'This is my go,' Ed declared. 'Genie, give yourself a cock ring.'

James wasn't entirely sure what a cock ring was, but the magic knew, and in an instant, a tight silver ring had materialised around the base of his rapidly growing erection. He whimpered brokenly, not daring to say anything, or to meet his master's eye.

'Oh, he can _adorn_ himself too?' Victoria exclaimed. 'All these things you haven't told me about! It's hardly fair. Well, in that case… hmm… genie, give yourself nipple clamps.'

'Mistress, please,' James squeaked out desperately, 'I – _owwww!_ '

The magic knew what Victoria wanted, and what Victoria wanted was for the clamps to be tight, and painful, and downright evil. James bit his lip and squirmed, fingers twitching uselessly, trying very hard not to get harder, and failing.

'Well,' Ed said, 'if I'd known he was this much of a pain slut, I'd have tried a lot of this sooner.'

'You're welcome,' Victoria grinned.

'Genie,' Ed said slowly, meeting James' pleading expression with a calculating stare, 'squeeze your balls.'

'No – no!' James shrieked, even as his strong fingers closed around his aching balls. ' _Fuck!_ '

'Tsk, tsk,' Victoria tutted, 'language, genie. Just for that, I think you should give yourself a spanking.'

'Oh, no!' James cried in despair as his other hand rose up, because he could feel how tense his arm was and how much force he was about to put into the blow, and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop himself. He howled as his open palm smacked hard against first one buttock, then the other, back and forth, unrelenting. 'Please, mistress,' he sobbed, 'please, master, I'm begging you, make me stop! It's too much, it hurts too much, I can't do it, _please!_ '

'He's getting rather tiresome, isn't he?' Victoria remarked. 'Particularly considering he's clearly enjoying it.'

'I'm not, I'm not!' James wailed, which was definitely at least partly true, even though his erection was by now swollen and straining. 'Have mercy, mistress, master, please, have mercy on me!'

'Yeah, he is,' Ed agreed. 'Easily fixed, though. Genie, gag yourself.'

A strip of cloth appeared in mid-air, forced itself between James' gaping lips, and knotted itself tightly round the back of his head. He moaned around it in helpless frustration, tears welling in his eyes, his body curling in on itself in response to the continued pain in his balls and his buttocks, and the desperate, shameful ache in his cock.

'God, I could watch that all day,' Victoria sighed, and the genie's eyes flew wide open in terror, to her immense entertainment.

'Does that mean you forfeit?' Ed asked.

'Certainly not,' she snapped. 'I'm just saying I know what I'll be doing if I win.'

'You won't win,' Ed singsonged.

'We'll just see about that,' Victoria replied determinedly. 'Genie, finger your prostate.'

James did know what his prostate was, but not precisely where to find it. It didn't matter, because the magic's aim was true. His right hand ceased its spanking and moved to his entrance, where one long finger, with a newly-materialised coating of lube, hooked itself smoothly up inside him. All the while, his left hand continued to torment his sore, tight balls, and when the finger hit home, he screamed in agonised, overwhelmed pleasure. He orgasmed, violently and messily, then gently toppled forwards into the foetal position, his body shaking and shuddering, and his hands still vaguely working away at their targets.

Ed and Victoria stared at the genie for a long moment.

'I don't think you've won,' Ed murmured eventually.

'I will concede,' Victoria said, in a rather faraway voice, 'that I haven't won the bet. However… I think it's fair to say that I have won this game.'

James still didn't understand what game his master and mistress had been playing, but he was fairly certain, as he lay there panting, sticky and humiliated, that he had lost.

**Author's Note:**

> [ **whammy**](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/whammy) _n._ /ˈwæm.i/ (US old-fashioned informal):  
> a magical spell or power that causes someone to have a difficult or unpleasant time
> 
> (Because I didn't know that until I went looking for title-appropriate magic-related words, and I'm danged if I'm going to let anyone miss how great of a one I found XD)


End file.
